Christ above, what am I doing?
Think about how many more productive things I could be doing with my life right now instead of starting a blog? I mean… I’m at work right now. I’m literally inserting something new in to my life that serves little to no purpose in what should be some of the most important months of my life.
Regardless, this is a choice I have made. In my head, I’m doing this to serve 2 main purposes;
- To vent and release my thoughts and feelings. It sounds silly but we’re only 9 weeks in and I can’t even talk openly about my fiancé being pregnant yet.
- To journal and track this crazy old time of ours, so I can look back and remember, laugh, cry and cringe.
9 weeks and 4 days is the most arbitrary pregnancy landmark for starting a blog. Alas… I have.
What, what, where, why and when?
For the sake of anonymity and my future marriage, I will be referring to my partner (of 8 years) as Maria. I’m Ross.
We’re in our early 30’s, I’m a sarcastic Scot, she’s a call it as she see’s it Scandinavian. We met abroad but settled in Edinburgh. What else do you need to know really? We got pregnant at the first try. I say “first try” in the loosest of fashions. It was actually our first attempt but hand on heart, I thought my sperm were more Eric the Eel than Michael Phelps when it came to swimming.
That’s not low self esteem talking, just logic. I’ve had chlamydia once (probably twice) , I drank far too much in my early years and I’ve taken so many shots to the Tess Tickles over the years I’m surprised they don’t have dementia.
Mostly though, I have abnormally large veins down there. Medically diagnosed abnormally large veins! It’s called a varicocele and from what I gather it means I can possibly have too much blood there as well as things like drainage issues and slow recovery when damaged. Maria is one lucky lady!
So not only was I worried about my youthful misendeavours and varicose veins of the balls, Maria had also been on the pill for most of her life. A couple of years ago a doctor had also said she should probably come off them as she has been on them for so long but reluctantly renewed her prescription. It was never questioned again.
It did mean though we were under the impression that it could take several months or even a year until her hormone levels could regulate. I think it’s only about 30% likely to get pregnant from the first attempt regardless of any issues. So to summarise, was it planned? It was more of a shot to nothing. I look forward to telling my child that.
The pregnancy so far.
So far I’m the one that has put on weight, lost sleep and been anxious. She’s never been in better shape! I’m not sure if that’s a good thing or a bad thing. Great for her and our babies health (so clearly a good thing) but I’ve been really in awe of this new elite condition of hers. No wonder she got pregnant.
The only side effect so far has been sore tits. Her, not me.
Mentally, she’s an absolute delight right now as well. Happy, glowing and excited. Ironically this is what is giving me the most anxiety. The chances of something going wrong, especially at this stage. The pessimist in me doesn’t want to get my hopes up just for them to come crashing down.
I keep asking her what her resting heart rate is. We had an idea she was pregnant originally when her fitbit was showing her resting heart rate was consistently elevated. One day last week her heart rate went down and mine rocketed with worry. None of that is very scientific however which goes against everything I normally stand for. I’m lucky Maria is on the same wavelength but unless I trust the source I do not listen to the mumscience that immediately gets thrust your way when researching pregnancy. With all the articles on google and pregnant people on social media, it’s already extremely noticeable how much bull piss information people are throwing out there. It really is the world we live in now. We met our midwife last week for the first appointment and she was making the very same point.
Our midwife is 28 weeks pregnant.
That was our first appointment. I didn’t realise the first midwife appointment was such a big deal. I thought they took some blood and gave you some pamphlets, smacked your on the arse and sent you packing.
It turns out it was over an hour long with blood tests and a whole mess of background questions.
“Did your grandmother once milk a cow in the early 80s?”
However, our midwife was very good and actually it was all very nice. I spent most of it sitting there thinking about how lucky we got with such a good midwife , only for her to tell us at the end that she is 28 weeks pregnant and we would be getting someone else next time. I was a bit heart broken. She was wearing a mask the whole time but she was the still spitting image of Oliva Coleman. I thought Peep Show Olivia Coleman but Maria thought The Crown Olivia Coleman. I’m not sure which one is better but for some reason it was comforting. She has comforting midwife eyes.
Maybe it actually was Olivia Coleman and she’s just that good at acting! She was 28 weeks pregnant after all and we sat in front of her oblivious! Maybe she was Daniel Day Lewis? Oh well, it’s probably for the best as there is a joke somewhere out there involving the midwife and The Crown.
Anyway, that is where we are. 9 weeks and 3 days in, risk diminishing slowly each day, therefore excitement increasing and first scan approaching.