10 weeks 5,6 and 11weeks

Long weekend

I was off Friday, Saturday and Sunday on a self imposed long weekend. A break has been needed for a while but Maria needed taken for her drive through Flu Jab on Friday so it was more out of necessity this time round.

What. A. Nightmare

A drive through flu jab she said, it will be quick and easy she said, we all have a window of time she said! This was the biggest of all shit shows. It took us nearly 3 HOURS to move roughly 200m in traffic!

Everyone eligible for a flu jab is given a window of time going by the first letter of their surname and told to come then. There is no registration, just a rough guide. This was also the first announced flu jab in Edinburgh for several months with walk ins due to start the day after. It was a horses cock show from the beginning.

It was on the outskirts of Edinburgh, near the airport but slightly off track into a business park. We weren’t sure where to go and just as we thought we were getting near we landed in a que on a roundabout. Surely this can’t be for the jab? There were traffic lights so we thought it was just those to begin with…oh how wrong we were. The traffic lights were just there as a coincidence . There were no signs or people directing traffic but it became quickly obvious that it was the que for the jab.

The problem with it being on a roundabout was the fact that the people at the junction closest to the turnoff would just cut everyone else behind them off! For us the turn off was the 3 junction all the way round the roundabout meaning those right next to the junction were effectively stopping us moving along the que. Cars had to nudge and push their way in while also leaving a small hole for those driving and no joining the jab que.

When we nudged our way in the car in front of us was in a full on argument with the white car next to them. The white car had clearly taken umbridge at the other nudging in but cars on our side had no choice. To compound this weird argument the car in front of us had a wheelchair in the boot and was either being driven or driving a disabled person to the jab. It seemed like the white car hadn’t noticed though and started screaming through the window, making wanker signals and blow job signs to the car…while sitting next to his wife. He then tried to get out to car, presumably to attack the disabled car but his partner was pulling him back in so he disced to claw the the fuel cap of the disabled car. We just sat in complete shock watching this unfold before Maria decided to start filming it.

We eventually all squeezed into single file after the roundabout. Every time the traffic moved on though, the disabled car, now in front of the white car who was in front of us , would drive at a snails pace to annoy the white car. That is all good and well but the huge que of traffic needed every inch they could get to navigate the roundabout so even that was a bit of a douche bag move. I suppose just because you’re disabled doesn’t necessarily mean you’re a nice person.

To be honest we needed that excitement. After a short time we both already needed to pee, badly. Very badly. We couldn’t go though, Maria was scared to use a bush and I was driving with her unable to take the wheel. It was torture.

By the time we got to the front we felt terrible for the poor nurses. There was only 2 people giving injections and volunteers randomly taking peoples details. It was asking a lot of the volunteers because everyone seemed to be so angry about the wait in traffic.

The jab itself seemed fine. No pain or anything. But then came the hunt for a place to pee. We planned on going to the supermarket anyway but we weren’t going to make it. Well I did but Maria wasn’t. Every time we thought there might be a wooded area to pull over there was something that would stop us. Eventually we pulled into a street with no choice left. It was a school! A school right on the corner of a fancy housing estate. Maria had to go regardless. She pulled down her trousers in broad daylight right behind the car and went. Her world famous fast peeing seemed to take forever. Finally as she was finished, a middled aged women came out of one of the houses and started walking towards her just as she was jumping in the car;

“Go go go!!!”

As we sped off from the angry resident I realised that my first job as a father could have went better. Imagine all that with a child in the car? This was two 32 years olds, watching road rage and pissing next to schools. We might need to buck up our ideas.

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